When things don’t go your way, here’s how to deal

You have most likely heard the saying, 'In life, the only constant is change'. Yet how many of us are at peace when change arises? How many of us can handle the feeling of life shifting gears? For most of us, change creates anxiety. We worry about the potential outcomes. We loop in our minds, fearing we won’t be able to handle what’s coming. In times of change it is so easy to move towards pessimistic thoughts and worries.

Push and pull

A mentor of mine describes life as essentially a push-pull between the smaller aspect of our psyche that identifies with this moment and our current complaints, and the greater aspect of our being which instead touches in with a feeling of universality and timelessness, and knows that regardless of specifics, our life will go on – it always does.

In times of change and upheaval, whether it be in career, personal relationships, or elsewhere, which aspect do you find yourself identifying with?

If you identify only with the fearful ego, how does the transition go? If you’re like me when I get stuck there, you’ll find yourself grasping at straws, trying to hold onto some semblance of the known, kicking and screaming in resistance to what is happening.

From this perspective you’ll be geared toward pessimism and anxiety, and you won’t be able to see what positives the transition may be bringing you.

On the other hand, if you are able to switch into a more universal perspective, you may find yourself feeling at peace even as the relationship, or career, or living situation, goes through change. While there may not always be a silver lining to every cloud, there usually is one to most clouds if you can take the time and space to see what it is.

Keep moving forward

I like this quote about facing change, from author Mandy Hale: “Faith is moving forward even when things don’t make sense, trusting that in hindsight everything will become clear.”

Faith is moving forward even when things don’t make sense, trusting that in hindsight everything will become clear.”

What could the positive in the situation be for you? Could the change you’re going through actually be bringing you more freedom? More space to be yourself? A new chance at finding compatible love? A chance to truly heal? A chance to learn something you really need to learn?

Chances are, there is something to be gained every time life gives you lemons. Even if it’s that you find your own strength in adversity and discover through challenge that you are more than you thought you were.

Look at the bigger picture

I encourage you take the lens off of how wronged you feel, how difficult it is, how much it sucks that you have to go through the stress of change. Instead, turn the lens towards taking care of yourself, asking for help to find the bigger perspective and expanding your sense of self through the transition you face.

Don’t be caught grasping for the known in an unknown world, never discovering what positives are in store for you.