What if the 'right' decision is wrong for you? What if the 'right' decision is wrong for you?

“Am I making the right decision?” It’s a tricky question, because ultimately there is no “right answer,” there is only what makes sense for a person in that unique moment in their life.

Sometimes holding too tightly to the fixed idea of right and wrong can inhibit our intuition from functioning. In order to move into a higher perspective on a situation, we first have to let go of these preconceived ideas about who was right and who was wrong in their actions. We must try to see everyone involved through the eyes of compassion. This means we have to process our hurt feelings first. Only then can we start to hear the voice of perspective.

Here are three ways that being stuck on 'right' and 'wrong' can hold you back in life.

1. It closes you off from 'adventure'

People look to religion, to their parents, and to cultural norms for answers to questions of right and wrong. And while we all need a guide for moral conduct as we grow up, once we reach mature adulthood, life becomes a little more of a “choose your own adventure,” with complex plot twists that inform the choices we ultimately make.

If you're trapped in the narrow mindset of right and wrong, you close yourself off to the potential opportunities and unexpected outcomes. If there is one 'right' way, then every other way feels 'wrong', and that means you just see failures or mistakes when what you actually have is a chance to do something different.

2. It makes you play the 'blame game'

When you're stuck in a binary of right and wrong, you're going to look for the 'bad guy' in situations. You'll approach difficulties and conflicts with an adversarial mindset. An enlightened approach is one that moves a situation towards resolution and respects all involved, not the option where the bad guy gets his! (Sometimes that’s the byproduct, but not the primary aim.)

This more mature part of us understands that human beings make mistakes, life is complicated, and life goes on despite our hurt feelings.

When I find myself stuck in a loop of right and wrong, it is an inner red flag for me, letting me know I need to slow down and take time to reflect. Was the person really “wrong,” or were they just acting the only way they knew how? Is it really “bad” that this situation happened, or is it a hidden opportunity?

3. It makes you less forgiving of your own mistakes

We're usually our own harshest critics. When you think there's only one 'right' way things could have gone, or only one 'good' outcome that you failed to achieve, chances are you're going to beat yourself up about it and be preoccupied with that error for much longer than is healthy.

Instead, you have to show some self-compassion, step back, and remove 'right' and 'wrong' value judgments from the situation. Once I step back and give myself space to look at the situation from different angles, then I can try again to find a healthy solution to whatever problem I’m facing.

You’ll know you’ve switched to a higher perspective on a situation when:

• You feel peaceful in your body.
• You aren’t demonizing anyone.
• The solution you come to works on a practical level and doesn’t just serve your emotional needs.
• You can be 100 percent transparent about your decision.

Notice that 'right' and 'wrong' don’t come into play in these statements. I hope you can, and as a society we can, start to release oversimplified concepts that keep us divided and out of touch with the deeper truth moving through all situations.