This house isn’t big enough for the both of us! This house isn’t big enough for the both of us!
Centr Team
06 May 2020
In these times of housing shortages and outrageous rents, living alone is not an option for a lot of people. While living with roommates, family or our significant others can create tighter bonds, we’ll hazard a guess there are also times it drives you up the wall.
Whether it’s leaving the toilet seat, snoring ruining your sleep, or someone using all your protein powder, we all have our tipping points. Before you go hatching an intricate revenge plot involving cling wrap, the toilet seat and a frog… stop and think: is it your cohabitors who are terrible to live with, or is it YOU?
Shield your screen from your sister’s boyfriend who was staying for one night then never left... Here are 5 behaviors that will make for a very tense household, and how to fix them.
1. When there’s only one right way
Living in close quarters is the quickest way to learn that everybody is different. Shock revelation, right? While you might be the type who works out regularly, your roomie may be eating chips and leaving a permanent butt print on the couch.
If you’re living with friends or in a share-house situation, you might not know everybody’s back story – people can act in strange and mysterious ways when placed under a spotlight. So rather than giving them a lecture about endorphins and energy levels, be empathetic, have open conversations to understand their context, and help them to understand what you’re going through, too.
2. The mood is set to brood
If your roomie does something wrong – say keep you awake with late-night video gaming when you start work early in the morning – do you enact your revenge by slamming doors when you’re up at 6am and giving them the stink eye for the rest of the week?
There’s no point quietly brooding over something if the offender has no idea why you’re upset. If you haven’t already, you need to diplomatically establish personal boundaries with the people you live with. If you really can’t handle someone else eating your Greek yogurt, let them know. Decide together what’s for personal use and what’s for sharing, what hours are acceptable for certain activities, and who does what chores.
Having good boundaries in place can actually help bring you closer to the people you live with – respecting each other’s space and privacy reduces the likelihood of blow-ups and misunderstandings.
3. When chalk meets cheese
Just because you think it’s a great idea to spend all weekend in a Hulk onesie doesn’t mean your roommate wants to get around looking like Iron Man.
One of these things is not like the other... but be flexible and accepting and you'll find your flow together.
This probably (hopefully) isn’t your specific scenario, but you get the point – as much as we might want to be friends with everyone, it’s not realistic to think that all 7.8 billion-ish of us are going to have the same interests and get along perfectly, and that’s okay! Life would be boring if we all experienced the world in the same way. It is our differences that make us interesting.
Did you know that science has revealed that at least some of who we get on with is out of our control? Our brainwaves are naturally more in sync with some than others. If you don’t naturally click with a roommate or your partner’s friend who’s crashing in the spare room, don’t force it – be kind, be empathetic, but accept that you don’t have to be best buds.
You might be a bit yoga and he might be a little more MMA – so long as you’ve got those boundaries we talked about in place, you should be able to make things work.
4. You haven’t looked in the mirror in a while
Is it YOU who always leaves the dishes in the sink, figuring you’ll get around to it later? Be aware of your own little quirks and habits. Something that comes as second nature to you may well be a huge annoyance to a person you live with. Do you always leave the door open, the lights on, or dumbbells in the middle of the floor? Do you use up all the wifi data and never remember anyone’s birthday?
You’re sharing a space, so be self-aware enough that you can address these small things before they become big things. Understanding which of your habits may annoy someone is about communication. Speaking of which…
5. Sharing on social media, but not at home
The world needs to know how much weight you’re lifting this week, but talking over the bills and budget with your partner somehow doesn’t seem so urgent...
Part of being a grown-up is having the ability to communicate. If something is bothering you, have a conversation! Don’t be aggressive or accusatory in the way that you address it, but talk it through, offer solutions and ask for suggestions. If you don’t communicate with the people you live with, how can you ever expect to stay on each other’s good sides?
