Is the disappointment we’re feeling actually grief? Is the disappointment we’re feeling actually grief?

Who could have imagined a few weeks ago that we would be faced with the prospect of isolation from our loved ones, colleagues – even the general public – for an unknown period of time. The coronavirus pandemic has rocked our worlds in so many different ways: plans that might have been in place for weeks or months have had to be canceled. Weddings, birthdays, vacations, even funerals... everyone has a story about a big occasion being called off.

It’s disappointing, and even though we all know that this is what needs to happen we are grieving the reality that we used to know, and trying to comprehend the new reality we are faced with. Here are a few strategies you can use to reframe and manage your disappointment and start to look forward to positive experiences in the future.

1. It’s okay to be disappointed

When we get upset about missing out on something that might seem trivial to others, it’s easy to feel guilty. But it’s important you allow yourself the opportunity to experience these emotions – put words to them, explain the way you feel to your partner, a family member or a friend. David Kessler, founder of www.grief.com sums it up nicely: “When you name it, you feel it and it moves through you. Emotions need motion. It’s important we acknowledge what we go through.”

Understanding a negative feeling is an important step toward moving past it, so give yourself some time to wallow if that’s what you need. But don’t stay down in the dumps too long – there are things that need doing here and now, and brighter days ahead.

2. A fresh perspective

Any situation looks different from a new angle, so try to change the way you’re perceiving a disappointing experience. If you’ve had an important event canceled due to COVID-19 isolation measures, remind yourself that every day you spend inside is contributing to flattening the curve of infection. Feel good about the role you are playing in that process – each of us is responsible for limiting the spread of this virus, and it won’t happen if we continue to live our lives as we did before. Our actions matter now more than ever.

3. Reality check

If you can, take a step back from the situation – is it really that bad? Sure, you might have been looking forward to something for months, but would your life look much different after that experience? If it really is a life-changer – your wedding, for example – reschedule, reaffirm how you feel and know that waiting several months will only add an extra element to the celebration when the day does finally roll around. Remember that there are hundreds of thousands of people around the world facing incredibly tough circumstances right now – count your blessings and keep a level head when deciding how you will respond to this disappointment.

4. Find the right crowd

Right now, the right crowd is no crowd at all – isolation is important, people! That means limiting most of our interactions to online. If people in your life are spending too much time dwelling on the negatives, remove yourself from the conversation with a click. It’s easy to get dragged into a pity party when all you hear is negative chat. So surround yourself (virtually) instead with people who bring you up and propel you past disappointment to see the positives. Online communities are powerful things – and they are an important part of maintaining mental wellness right now.

There are so many ways the coronavirus has impacted our lives individually, but we are all faced with similar challenges each day – how to keep ourselves safe, how to stay connected, how to get what we need. Use those similarities to find a sense of community and manage your disappointment. At the end of the day, we’re all in this together… and we’ll come out of this together.