How to quiet your inner critic

If we unpack our relationships with ourselves, we’ll discover that most of the time we aren’t very kind. Meditation helps us to accept who we are and how to be okay with our problems and failures. It is only by accepting them that we can finally get to know ourselves.

We are sometimes particularly rough on ourselves: “You’ve done it wrong again, what an idiot.” “Ugh, you forgot to buy milk..." “You missed your train, well, you deserved it.”

If we could hear what we think of ourselves spoken aloud, we would be shocked. These are things we would never say to anyone else.

To stop giving a shit is to dissolve that inner voice that tortures us constantly. It takes some sitting practice to notice that we are our own persecutor. In the end, we will see that we don’t have to put ourselves through this.

Meditation is about becoming your own friend

We have this idea that we need to change in order to get better. This is actually a form of self-aggression. “If only I weren’t like this or like that, then I could be okay with who I am.”

Isn’t that such a violent mindset? When you meditate, you open yourself fully to who you are and how you are feeling at the present moment. You stop criticizing the way you practice as well as everything that’s happening in your life. In other words, practicing meditation requires an atmosphere of complete goodwill.

I know a lot of long-time practitioners who realize – sometimes after decades of meditation – that they didn’t ever cultivate any kindness towards themselves. They aggressively committed to meditating as an assignment.

In a sense, this is normal! We start approaching meditation the same way we approach everything else in life. Since childhood, we’ve had to “do better” and “do more”, to be faster, smarter, nicer. What a shame… Either we force it, or we just give up because it’s too much. Both of these behaviors aren’t helpful.

That’s the lesson meditation teaches us. We hold ourselves up straight without any effort and give in to the posture without letting go of its dignity. We have the right to be here, now, exactly as we are. Isn’t it wonderful?

Not meeting ourselves where we are causes us a lot of pain

Most of the problems we and the world face come from this difficulty we have with meeting ourselves where we are. We strive to reconcile with our own shame, embarrassment and bitterness toward ourselves.

We all depend, more or less, on how other people see us. But others see us only through their own expectations. We have to satisfy so many people’s needs that in the end, we can’t measure up.

And quite naturally, we feel lonely, unloved and mistreated.

Meet and finally love yourself through meditation

Meditating is an unconventional way to dry our tears and to find joy. It is as real as it is unexpected. Indeed, meditation introduces us to our true selves and not who we should be.It can be scary at first. You’re afraid of being disappointed. But in reality, this encounter is always wonderful.

Living so far from our true selves creates suffering and misunderstanding. That’s why I teach meditation: it’s the simplest way to finally be in touch with ourselves, to overcome doubt, and to be kind.

Want to learn to love yourself? You’ll have to meet yourself first. Just like a date: you begin by meeting the person in front of you before loving them.