How to cope when you're everyone else's rock

Are you the sounding board at work, the mother hen in your social circle, or the superglue that holds your family together? The one everyone opens up to, leans on or calls on at 3 am because they know you’ll always answer?

An inherently calm, cool and collected disposition makes you a comforting presence, but when you’re a natural caretaker it can be tough to put yourself first. And when you have a tendency to put your needs second to those around you, you can find yourself run down, burnt out and fatigued.

Being a rock can be hard. There’s even a name for it: “caretaker syndrome”. But just like the safety videos on the plane always tell you – you need to put on your own oxygen mask before you can help others. Try these three tips to recharge and look after yourself.

1. Give yourself some alone time

When you are the rock in your social circle, opting for time alone because may feel counter to your generous nature. Your friends may even be a little surprised: ‘What, you went alone?’ Yet without time to replenish yourself, it is impossible to continue giving to others with any kind of patience or empathy. Taking a period of time alone (even if it’s short!) helps you reset, find yourself, and reconnect to the part of you that is able to support your friends and family.

... without time to replenish yourself, it is impossible to continue giving to others with any kind of patience or empathy.

2. Get those feelings out

Taking care of everyone else doesn’t leave much time for venting your own feelings. And if your friends are down or angry or worried, their emotions can wash off on you, too. You need to process that emotion, and journaling is a helpful tool. Spend 5 minutes a day letting the thoughts in your head spill out onto the paper – you may be surprised at how therapeutic it is. Not only does it help you process your thoughts, but it can also help ease anxiety and stress. Try to journal through a stream of consciousness rather than wording it perfectly or judging yourself.

3. Set boundaries

You’re a one-person support system, but are all those incoming requests overriding your own emotional needs? Think about this: Have you ever given heartfelt advice knowing that the recipient would not take it? Are you in a Groundhog Day conversation with a friend, repeatedly motivating them to change or take action but they never do?

While you care deeply about others, they may not be in a place to accept the advice you are giving. This means you have put another person's emotional needs ahead of yours, and could potentially find yourself feeling irritated, judgmental or frustrated when they come back with the same problem.

Pause, take a deep breath and remind yourself that you are not able to solve others’ problems. Let them ask for advice when they need it and are ready and willing to act on it. If you find yourself stretched too thin, it is time to put yourself first!