How to spot a friendship that’s dried up

At different stages in our lives, we need different types of friendships.

Some bonds are meant to last long term. These friendships and partnerships stay positive and rooted in support as we make inner shifts. Yet other connections will start to feel stale as we grow in our individuality.

It’s totally normal on a transformational path to outgrow some friendships. When we start to really find momentum on our spiritual path, it becomes noticeable that some of our old connections don’t make sense anymore.

When you’re on a journey of transformation and health improvement, you need people around you that support the shifts you’re trying to make. If you’re serious about your transformation, you may need to find new, inspirational connections and let go of friendships and activities that don’t add to your well-being.

Some amount of selfishness is actually quite healthy in life. Many of us were taught as children to put others first, and ourselves second. While this is helpful in learning generosity and a sharing spirit, it can come to a point where we’re giving too much to others and depleting ourselves in the process. The journey of healing takes a lot of energy.

So if you find yourself spread too thin, take stock of where in your life you are overextending to keep someone else happy, or to maintain a bond that doesn’t actually serve you.

If you’re struggling to discern whether or not a certain relationship is still positive for you, I recommend taking it through this checklist. Really feel into each one.

Ask yourself, does this friendship or relationship:

Make it easier for me to love myself?
Feel balanced and reciprocal in giving and receiving?
Respect my need for space and personal time?
Increase my belief in myself?
Increase my feeling of overall well-being and support?
Offer a perspective that helps me grow?
Enhance my alignment with where I want to go in life?

If these are all yes’s, you have a growth relationship that is helping you move forward. That’s worth celebrating! True growth relationships are priceless. These are the types of relationships to cultivate on your path. If instead, you find you are answering no to these questions, it may be time to let the relationship go to make space for something more supportive.

Do you have to totally drop all of your old friends and loved ones just because they aren’t working on themselves, too?

No! Not at all. In fact, accepting differences and still coexisting with others who have different viewpoints is in itself a great practice. I have seen many instances, though, where even just naming that a relationship isn’t supportive is a great step in finding the right level of closeness to maintain with that person.

if you find yourself spread too thin, take stock of where in your life you are overextending to keep someone else happy, or to maintain a bond that doesn’t actually serve you.

I like to encourage my clients to release the feeling of pressure in their relationships. If it’s really difficult to keep a bond going because the gap between you is so wide, or you feel you’re being mistreated in some way, then why not relax the need to make it work? Often the pressure to keep something going comes from fear of judgement, fear of failure, or fear of the unknown, not from an authentic desire to connect.

How do you evaluate what you want?

Ask yourself – what kinds of relationships do you really long for? Let yourself dream a little, and make space for love to find you. You deserve love and support that aligns with your deepest values.

The bottom line here is that as you change and grow, so do your priorities, values, and the things that you resonate with. It is a courageous step to acknowledge what you need and want, and to make space for people who will really add to your life – even if you don’t know exactly how you’ll meet them.

This is a way of taking a stand for the person you are becoming. Give yourself permission to grow, change, and see what kinds of connections you can create with your intention for a happy, mindful life. Paulo Coelho put it best: “If you’re brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello.”