Are you confident or cocky? 4 ways to tell Are you confident or cocky? 4 ways to tell

There is a fine line between self-confidence and cockiness – and it’s a line that’s easily crossed. Differentiating the two can be a challenge, but self-confidence comes from a place of personal empowerment; it is humble and not presumptuous. Cockiness, however, can come from a place of arrogance, projection, or even insecurity.

How do you know when you’ve crossed the line? To help you differentiate between confidence and cockiness, here are four questions you need to ask yourself.

1. Are you considering other points of view?

Humility can be seen as a hallmark of self-confidence. If you are able to admit when you are wrong or look at a situation from another’s point of view it is likely you are building healthy confidence. If you find yourself defensive in conversations, getting angry when people seem offended or put off by you, it could be a sign that you are erring on the side of cockiness.

If you have this trouble, seek the advice of a friend or colleague that you trust to give you an honest answer – not just an ego boost. And most importantly, listen! Being able to talk openly and seek feedback will allow you to gain perspective, but only if you make the effort to hear it.

2. Do you put yourself at the center of everything?

Cocky behavior can show up when you want to be the center of attention. This could mean talking over others in a group setting or needing to get in the last word in a one-on-one conversation. If you need to seek validation for your words, brag about achievements, or are looking for opportunities to promote yourself without care for time and place you are likely acting in an arrogant manner.

To shift towards self-confidence, ask questions of the others in the group. The process of active listening, with a sense of genuine curiosity, to what others have to say helps to soften an arrogant approach.

3. Do your actions show openness and humility?

Reflection is important in softening an arrogant attitude. There is nothing wrong with wanting to share your expertise, accomplishments or points of view.

However, when you reflect on your actions, did you connect with the people you shared with? Were you open to new ideas? Were you humble? Being humble in word and action can be a reflection of self-confidence and not insecurity. You do not have to be meek, quiet, or shy to be humble. Have the confidence to be humble without feeling like you have to be on your guard.

4. Do you actually want to connect with people?

Consider what you’re trying to get out of your social interactions:

• Are you just trying to be the biggest, loudest or most important?
• Are you just using conversations as a way of talking about yourself?
• Are your jokes genuine attempts to make people feel joy, or are you ‘punching down’ or bullying?

If you are doing these things, it can be practically impossible to make meaningful and lasting connections. It also suggests underlying insecurity. Reflection and curiosity can bring you from self-absorption to true, positive self-confidence. Practice humility, even if you have to fake it till you make it, and you’ll find your relationships deepen and grow.