An optimist, a pessimist and a realist walk into a bar… An optimist, a pessimist and a realist walk into a bar…
Centr Team
18 Nov 2020
Common thinking has it that the more positive you are, the happier you will be. This philosophy fuels an entire self-help industry, with books telling us that a better (and wealthier) life will be ours if we embrace the power of positive thinking and tell the universe what we want.
But relentless positivity can also be draining. Because you know what? Things don’t always turn out okay. Sometimes, we don’t get what we want. And sometimes planning for the worst possible scenario is very, very necessary (case in point: the year 2020).
If you have ever found yourself questioning the benefits of unbridled positivity, there is now research to back up your skepticism. That’s right: a study released in mid-2020 found that those who have realistic expectations are happier in the long term than optimists or pessimists.
Is keeping it real the key to long-term contentment?
Over 18 years, from 1991-2009, a panel of 1601 individuals participated in a study measuring their optimism by answering questions about their financial situation (like whether they saw themselves being better off, worse off, or about the same in a year from now) and life satisfaction.
The study found that in the long run “those with mistaken expectations, whether optimistic or pessimistic, do worse than realists”.
In other words, those who are realistic about their future and make decisions based on evidence have a greater sense of well-being than those with high expectations (optimists) or low expectations (pessimists).
And the chasm was pretty wide: pessimists' level of psychological distress overall was 37 percent higher than realists, while the optimists’ level of psychological distress was almost 12 percent higher.
And when it came to life satisfaction, pessimists reported 21.8% lower well-being than realists, and optimists 13.5% lower.
So should we be embracing realism?
The study suggests that realists are happier in the long term.
Perhaps the biggest problem with being overly optimistic or pessimistic is that it leads to bad decision making – because you’re making decisions “based on biased expectations”.
Betting on a bigger bank balance next year, the optimist books an all-expenses-paid trip to Hawaii. Expecting to be worse off, the pessimist cancels all plans and misses out on life experiences. The realist takes a look at their financial situation, considers future needs, and books a vacation that fits within their budget.
How do I apply this to my life?
While it may not be possible to suppress a naturally sunny outlook or stop being a Debbie Downer about everything overnight, considering the other side of a situation will at least help you make a better-informed decision. If you’re a pessimist, look into something before writing it off altogether. If you’re an optimist, ask yourself what you would do if things don’t turn out the way you’re hoping.
Let’s take a look at what being a realist looks like in three areas of life.
You can stay positive while being realistic about your fitness goals.
1. Your fitness goals
If you’re an optimist, you may have joined Centr with visions of getting a Thor physique. If you have a more pessimistic nature, maybe you thought there was no way it could work – just like every other fitness app you’ve tried in the past didn’t work for you.
But as a realist, you would understand that although you may not have the same genetics as Chris Hemsworth, you can still work on making your own body the best it can be and feel a whole lot better for it. And you would also know that there is no magic pill – for any fitness routine to work you need to show up, be consistent and put the effort in. It may be tough at first, but if you stick with it the results will come.
If you approach your fitness journey with a realistic frame of mind, you can count every small milestone (lifting heavier weights, mastering an exercise, an old pair of pants fitting, feeling less puffed) as a win – rather than beating yourself up for not meeting unrealistic body goals or changing your physique overnight.
2. Your life at home
Do you live in eternal hope that your partner will one day learn to stop leaving their dirty socks and jocks on the floor or remember where their car keys are?
While an optimist or pessimist may drive themselves to distraction over their partner’s lack of organization, a realist would weigh up the issues and try to come up with solutions. So maybe the dirty socks on the floor are a losing battle, but can you ask your partner to compensate by lifting their game in other areas?
At the very least, having a realistic discussion about each other’s responsibilities in the household is better than one of you living in hope or despair, and the other in ignorant bliss.
3. When you’re at work
When your annual salary review or bonus season rolls around, an optimist already has the extra money spent in their mind before it appears in their bank account. A pessimist is pre-emptively angry at management for overlooking them (again) and didn’t even bother requesting a pay review.
Meanwhile, a realist has been busy doing mental calculations: “My last pay rise was four years ago, business revenue is down this year, if there is any rise it will be modest...” But a realist will also understand that if you don’t ask, you are far less likely to get.
Managing your expectations by being realistic will help you to enjoy the good things that do come your way, and not feel so let down by the bad. And that, in the long term, should lead to a happier you.
