3 steps to improve your emotional resilience

Life forces us to take the good with the bad. Yet it always seems to be the bad – the negative stuff – that gets under our skin and nags away at us. We can take every little negative event or comment so personally. Why is that?

As humans, we are hardwired with a negativity bias that keeps us on alert for signs of danger. When our boss praises the good job we did, all is well with the world. When the boss tells us we got something wrong, the world is collapsing all around us.

Because we lead incredibly busy and at times stressful lives, most of us have an alert system that is overly active – on guard for whatever terrible thing is coming our way next.

But you can train your brain to take on board all the good stuff while shaking off the bad, or at least putting it into perspective. Try these strategies to build up your emotional resilience and move through life with a little more ease.

1. Let go of perfection

Emotional resilience comes with having a strong and healthy sense of self, and knowing that everybody has aspects of their lives that are not perfect. Accept your own imperfections and you’ll find it easier to not take things so personally.

For example, your friend is not forgetting to return your call AGAIN to test your patience, they’re simply imperfect when it comes to gauging the time.

Taking other people’s actions too personally can lead us to believe we are being disrespected, which in turn leads to feelings of insecurity. You may snore, slurp your soup too loudly or not have learned a new language during the lockdown, but hey, nobody’s perfect! Accept it.

Taking other people’s actions too personally can lead us to believe we are being disrespected, which in turn leads to feelings of insecurity.

2. Press pause

If you feel that negativity train pulling in, the most beneficial thing you can do is take a pause. For example, if you don’t want to take a tough day at work into your personal time, take five deep breaths as you switch off your computer. With each exhale, say to yourself: “I am present in this moment.” Do not allow yourself to think about the future or the past as you breathe deeply.

It can be tough to release that doom and gloom, but it’s worth the effort – this technique can help us be less reactive in other areas of our lives, too.

3. Be good to yourself

Taking things too personally can be a sign that you are overworked, overwhelmed, or simply exhausted. Recognizing your need for rest and rejuvenation is crucial to emotional resilience.

Try saying to yourself: “I am taking what he said too personally. I am really tired. I will let this go for now, and think about it tomorrow when I am clearer.” This is not a sign of weakness, but compassion. It is not brushing the issue under the rug but allowing you to take time to process it.

We all have moments where everything coming at us is too much. Wrapping yourself in compassion is like a layer of protection that allows negativity to bounce off, leaving us to stay centered and free of all that weight.